You Just Have to See Her

I’ve decided that I have a hard time with the future because I like to plan everything. I like to know exactly what I’m going to do. But I can’t do that with the future! I keep wanting to spend all this time researching internships, courses, grad programs, future jobs and always thinking that Jamie’s always going to be there to be with in the future. (even though I’m not sure if that ship has sailed now, I seem to think that it hasn’t but you know me, I often deny the truth if I have to) Like I want to know what I’m going to do, who I’m going to marry, but I can’t know what’s going to happen. It is nice to try and plan it. I just hope I’m not setting myself up for a let down because I’m planning out so much and it probably won’t end up the way I necessarily want it right now.

I need to learn to just let things happen, but I feel like without some idea of what I want to do, that I can’t do anything.

I think we’re always pushing for the future. I know I am. I’m ready to go back to school, that’s almost two months of summer I’m prepared to skip. I want to graduate and go to grad school. That’s two YEARS I want to skip. I need to focus on the now. It’s just hard because I’m afraid I won’t amount to anything.

Well, I heard this song a few months ago and it’s pretty good. It makes me happy. Even though it’s sad. It’s just relatable I suppose. And you should check out the rest of their songs. They’re very good too!

Sometime Around Midnight By: The Airborne Toxic Event

And it starts…
sometime around midnight
or at least that’s when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand…
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano’s this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her
for a while

But you know…
that she’s watching
She’s laughing, she’s turning
she’s holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there’s a change…
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homelss
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves…
with someone you don’t know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you’ve seen a ghost

And you walk…
under the streetlights
and you’re too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she’ll break you
in two

That isn’t the real video, but the people who put the real video up disabled embedding videos. So lame. If you want to see the real thing, you can look it up. Sorry!!

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