Just Some Thoughts

So some nights I just can’t sleep.. too many thoughts in my mind. and unfortunately, tonight happens to be one of those nights.

I don’t understand how to follow my heart. It sounds stupid and all, but I’m serious. I don’t know what it means to follow my heart. No matter what my heart says, my brain is always going to change things to make sense. Maybe I’m just not made to follow my heart, because I need logic, I need answers. I can’t just do things. I need to know what could happen.

Anyway, I feel like following my heart wouldn’t work because my brain can’t not get involved. When I make decisions, it’s never just based on what I truly want, it’s always what I should logically want. However, there are some things that you can’t logically come up with a solution to. and that’s what’s keeping me up tonight. I can usually always rationalize things in my mind, or at least try to come up with something to make sense of things, so I don’t understand how to know if I want something because my heart wants it or if I want it because my brain wants me to want it.. ha. this probably sounds dumb.

All in all, I just hate when someone’s advice is, just follow your heart. Seriously? That may be the worse advice I’ve ever gotten. My heart doesn’t know anything.. sheesh.

“We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn’t like that. It’s a free flowing energy. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don’t fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don’t be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.”

I’m scared. I’m thinking of living on campus this semester. and I’m scared. what if I get stuck with freaks?! or what if I’m just not ready to leave my house and my mommy. =( I want to leave and get out and be on my own but I’m scared I’ll fail. I’m scared of failing, I’ve always been good with most things, and if I wasn’t, they generally weren’t incredibly important, but what if I’m not good with college? And I don’t want my friendships to waver while I’m away, granted, my school is about 35 minutes from home, but nonetheless, seeing people everyday and then going to maybe every other weekend or so will probably be a bit different. But I want to live there. I just hope nothing happens with my friends, I love them to death, they make me, me.

but, i’m just scared. what if I don’t fit in? or what if I don’t make new friends? I already sometimes feel like I don’t belong here (not specifically in my house, but in general, I just don’t belong anywhere) and I would hate to feel that when I’m away from home. maybe I’m just afraid of change, which is a big possibility. I want the change, but I don’t, because I’m actually scared of it. but if I move, I’ll be leaving in a week. and that makes me sad… and scared.

I’ll probably go, everyone, including myself think I should do it. I need it. I need to get out on my own and try new things and let myself grow. but I don’t know if I can do. James’ says I have a new found confidence, but I can’t be completely confident in myself when I’m terrified.

but today was a wonderful day. I found out some important information and I feel amazing about it now. =) It’s just that I have to email my school and tell them I’ll take the room, by noon.. in like… 10 hours. ohmygosh. I figured it would be okay because it’s only a semester. it’s not a commitment to do it for a whole year.

Well, I need sleep. I can’t keep worrying myself. It’s not healthy. Goodnight.

Much to my surprise, I have school spirit. and I like it! woo.

I went to my school’s first Basketball game of the season.. and I cheered, kinda, and clapped and it was just fun. I’m so glad I went, I just wish I had gone with some people who cheered too. lol. Joanna just kinda sat there while I was standing and clapping and whatnot.. nerd.

But, that’s all. I’m pretty stoked! It was fun. I can’t wait until the next game!

Go Patriots!! =]

And maybe I’m not that bright, but I can’t figure out how to change the color of my font.. lol. Anyone that knows and would answer, that would just be lovely!

Today was wonderful. Nothing made me upset, I don’t think. But now I’m really upset again. I’m such a girl. With all the changes of emotions so fast. It’s so dumb.

I think I’m just not happy with my life. and it’s not like it’s all that bad.. I mean, it’s not bad, I just don’t like the way things have turned out. I saw the pictures from the Haunted Forest and they were adorable. We looked so cute together. =] but then I saw other pictures of like, Katie and Teddy and her and her boyfriend and that makes me sad. I want a guy best friend. Hell, I think I just want a best friend. I mean, I have one. and I love her. But sometimes I feel like our friendship is never going to be the same as it was before what happened last year and I hate that. I hate myself for letting our friendship fall apart over something so stupid. and I’ve apologized so many times for that, and people jsut keep bringing it back up. I was at Josh’s for his birthday today and he’s like, no I’m the real best friend (to Nicole) I’m the one that never left her. and it hurts a lot to hear that. because I know it’s probably true. and that makes me really sad. I’m afraid that I don’t know how to make friends. like, Nicole can be my only best friend because I’ve known her the longest.. I’m not sure. It’s dumb, I know. I’m dumb.

So I kinda feel like I’m alone. I don’t have my best friend to turn to because there’s a part of our friendship that’s missing that I wish was still there and I miss like you have no idea. I wish I was her best friend, not just her being mine. This is my biggest regret. and probably my only regret, actually. Just the fact that I let our friendship die out.. I’m a horrible friend. and then Teddy, I thought we were going somewhere. I’m not sure what’s going on now, I haven’t talked to him since Friday besides like two texts this entire week. Yes, he’s busy, but too busy to text me asking me what’s up? Too busy to text me saying goodnight sweet dreams. Like he’s been doing for the past TWO or THREE WEEKSSS!! ugh. I don’t understand. He’s supposed to come stay the night in Herndon with me tomorrow and we’re going to study for our Geography test, but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen. I sure want it to, but I’m afraid that I’ll just be so happy that he’s talking to me that I’ll forget that I was upset by him and I won’t be able to talk to him. I feel like I just want people to tell me straight to my face what they want. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore, then I just fucking want him to tell me that!! I hate when they just ignore you thinking, oh maybe she’ll get the hint and leave me alone. because I won’t. I need to be told, otherwise I’m just too freaking optimistic and I’ll just make up excuses for you like I said I’ve done before.. I’ll just think, oh he’s really busy, he’s got a lot going on in his life, it’s alright, I understand.

I do feel alone, actually. Like there’s no one that I can turn to. There’s no one that I can say, so what do you think about this situation? etc. I don’t have anyone like that anymore.. I miss it. I need it. I need someone I can call crying and ask what I should do. I’ve never felt like I could talk to anyone in my family about any of my problems. and now I don’t even think I can talk to my friends. I wish I had someone. I can’t go on by myself, I’m not that strong. I need a support system.. this is crap. I should be happy with the friends that I have, even though I don’t know about that friendship anymore.. I kinda feel like I can’t make new friends and that I have to be stuck with the friends that I have. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it is. I mean, I love, love, love my friends.. I just don’t know that I can talk to them. Nicole is my best friend, but I don’t know that I can talk to her because I know that she’ll tell Cam and Josh. So I don’t know what to do. I rarely talk to Joanna, but I can’t talk to her about anything because she’s so judgemental I wouldn’t even want to try telling her what I feel like I’m going through. I wish I could crawl up in a ball and hide somewhere forever.

I was especially upset when I thought about getting older. Katie turned 19 today and she thinks she’s old. Teddy’ll be 20 in a few weeks.. My life is passing me by and I sitting here being sad!! College is supposed to be the best time in a person’s life! I don’t think that’s going to happen for me. I hate it. I don’t get out. I need to get out, get some school spirit and just have fun. I need to let loose. But the thing is, I live at home, I can’t exactly get out. My school’s 30 minutes away.. I don’t know hardly anyone at the main campus. Anyone that I do know besides Teddy I don’t really talk to much. I went up there on Tuesday and because I don’t live on campus, I don’t feel like I belong. I don’t feel like I should be walking around there because it’s not my school, I mean, technically it is, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. Rarely do I walk around and see someone that I know, unless my geography class just let out, then I see those people.. I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere.

UGH! I wish I could start over. Start COMPLETELY over. I wish that was possible. I wish I could make new choices, granted, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now writing this, but maybe I’d be happier. Maybe I wouldn’t be crying right now because I feel alone. but who knows, maybe I would’ve made worse choices and I could be in jail or something. lol. like I would ever do something to get me in jail.. I’m too much of a goody goody. and that’s annoying too. I don’t take risks.

Oh man. This is probably more than anyone wants to hear from me. but hey, this is my new diary, I’ll spill my heart out here.

Anyway… the weekend’s coming up, I hope I can go out with him. I need to get out. I need to meet new people and make new friends and just become a new person because I’m tired of the person that I’ve become. Not that it’s a bad person or anything, I’m just tired of my life. I don’t want to sound all complainy though, or poor me. but, ugh, I’m just not happy again.

Goodnight.

I love cruise control. It’s so fun. =] I was driving home one day with my little cruise control on, it was so cool. It makes me feel like I’m riding in a little wind up car or something.. aw. I sure like it. Just enjoying the little things in my life.

So he texted me back finally. He’s a very busy boy… but I’m not sure that that’s enough of an excuse.. I hope he doesn’t overwork himself or over stress. He seems like the kind of person that would get overloaded when he’s got a lot on his plate, but he’s also the kind of person that would be able to handle it all. I don’t know if that makes any sense.. oh well.

I think I’m feeling extra emotional today or something. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m listening to Dave Matthews Band and I’m realizing how amazing this music is. I used to listen to their music, but I never really got into it too much and now that Teddy likes it and I’m liking Teddy, I’m listening to it. and it’s really good. Like Tripping Billies. I’ve never heard this song, but I like it. “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.” That’s such a good motto. Make the most of life and what not.. gosh. I like music like this, with this message. “Celebrate we will Because life is short but sweet for certain.” This one’s from their song, Two Step. It’s great. I’m glad I found this.. through him. Sometimes I feel like if I listen to the music people like that I’ll learn something about them, like I’ll get a part of them and I’ll understand more about them. I think it’s true.. I don’t know. I like the quote, “You really learn something about someone when you listen to the music that means something to them.” and that’s entirely too true. Except that I’m not too sure you’d learn much about me if you listened to the Lifehouse and Mat Kearney that I listen to.

I have too many fears. I would love to write them all down and everything, but I’m afraid it makes me vulnerable. Like, even though none of you know who I am, if I let you know what really scares me, then you have something to hold against me. I’m afraid to let people in and let them get to know me. I know I’ve said that before but it’s true. I don’t want people to know too much about me. I want to be able to get away. I need my escape, just incase things get too serious, or whatever.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m talking about. I’m kind of just rambling about what I can not write.. ha. This is so dumb. No one reads this.. but I just feel really upset right now and I need somewhere to write. I’m not sure exactly what my problem is, why I’m so upset.. I mean, there are certain things going on, but I’m not that girl, I shouldn’t let boy issues bother me as much as they do. I’m too weak. I can’t let boys do this to me. Maybe he’s not doing it on purpose. but if he is, then I have no fucking idea why this always happens to me!! It’s not fair. I don’t do anything to deserve being treated the way I get treated. =[ but maybe it’s just telephone dificulties, for some reason Verizon hasn’t been working for me lately and someone will call me but it’ll go to some guy.. stupid thing. I doubt it. I think I come up with excuses for them so that when said boy decides to talk to me again I know in my mind that it was ok, because I made up an excuse for them… which doesn’t make any sense at all. lol. again, I’m just too weak.

So I talked to Jamie today. He was texting me and I just decided to call him. We talked for 45 minutes. It’s been over 2 months since I’ve actually spoken to him and surprisingly enough, we talked just like we used to. It was so weird. He told Joanna that I hated him and that’s why he never talked to me, which didn’t make any sense, but whatever, but we talked and talked. and it was nice. I miss talking to him, he was one of my really good friends, obviously.. ha.

Goodness, I am pretty pathetic. I need to stop letting boys bother me… or maybe just people in general and let myself be happy. I only have one life to live, I need to live it up. It’s hard though. Sometimes I wish I could start over and make new decisions and have a new life. Maybe I’d have different friends and I would’ve moved away to college and gotten away and met new people out in a place I’m new too.

I’m really sad.. I’ll write again tomorrow maybe.

Well, I have another issue I would like to write about before I get on this homework. ugh.

There’s this boy. and he’s creepy. He claims to be in love with me even with all my protesting. I don’t understand. I consider him my stalker. He’s screenname had my name in it!! how creepy is that?! But now he says that I’m his best friend and that he’s in love with me. I feel bad for him because he doesn’t really have any friends and all, he’s kind of an outsider and whatnot. But this all started the summer before my senior year and it’s just escalated until now.. and it’s kinda scary. I don’t want to be mean to him, but I feel like I’m leading him on by continuing to talk to him. Apparently he’d do anything to talk to me, so I can be as mean to him as I want and he’ll still continue to want to talk to me. Which I do not understand at all. I want to be mean so that he’ll leave me alone, but I’ll feel bad about it. I don’t want him to hurt himself or anything. and I don’t want to hurt him, I just want him to leave me alone!! or atleast if he does talk to me, I don’t want him to keep talking about me and about how much he likes me and how I make him so happy. I don’t understand what he sees in me. but I want it to stop. I don’t know how to do that because I’ve been trying for over a year and a half now… ugh. creepy.

Now he’s onto the idea that I’m going to help him write a book. and when he was about to sign off AIM. he said, now don’t forget that you’re writing the opening paragraph of my book. and I said, “I’m not writing the opening paragraph to your book. sorry.” Then he said something about how I crushed him, or that it was a fatal blow.. i’m not sure exactly, and then he said something like “Goodnight (my heart silently says the words I wish I could say aloud) sweet dreams (as tears stream down my face)”  It’s so weird. I feel bad for being mean to him. but he’s just creepy. I once said that one of my fears was that my stalker (meaning him) would some day come and kill me, you know because it’s like an infatuation and obsession and then they eventually are so obsessed with the person that they kill them in order to have them for themselves, and he’s told me before that he was obsessed… anyway, my fear that he’d kill me, and he told me, “you know I’d hurt myself before I ever hurt you” and I mean, that’s nice. but it’s still in the back of my mind. I’m afraid that he’ll find out where I live somehow and then I’ll be scared that he’ll come over or something. I think I’d have to move then..

uuugh. Well, this isn’t a good relationship. In my eyes, it’s only a friendship, obviously. I mean, I’m getting closer to being in a relationship with the other guy. =] and that makes me very happy. He’s so nice.

Alrighty. Well, that’s enough for tonight. I’d appreciate any comments you’d like to say about my blogs.

Thanks for reading! =]

Ok, this is the first blog I’ve written specifically for this site..

So, I think I may have done something wrong. Dating wise that is. I mean, I’m new to this whole thing, even though I am 18, this is only the second experience I’ve had with a boy.. haha. but I don’t know how dating works. You can kiss someone that you’re technically not in a relationship, right? I mean, If the two go out on dates and hang out and flirt all the time, then it’s understandable to kiss… I think. I’m not sure. I want someone’s opinion but I don’t want to ask someone specifically. I feel like a whore by kissing him too. Which isn’t good. Ok, I’m getting away from my point, I feel like I can’t ask my friends how far is too far because they might get the wrong impression of me. I think I have a problem. Making out with a boy that I am not going out with should be wrong, right? ugh. Well, I do it anyway, I think my problem is that I’m too afraid to ask him what we’re doing, like where we’re going. He’s told me on multiple occassions that he really likes me and that makes me feel good, but I’m still afraid to ask. Because again, as with the boy I was with before, I was afraid that if I asked that he would say well, if it’s either being in a relationship or not, then I’m going to say not. and I feel like I’m too insecure to allow him to say no.

I also told myself that I wouldn’t get clingy to him. and I really don’t think I am, but I do miss him, I haven’t talked to him all weekend. I’m not sure, maybe I’m getting mixed signals or something, I sure hope not though. Actually, I think I may have deterred him a little. He’s like the nicest guy I think I have ever met, he’s so considerate of other people and he’s just so sweet. Everyone loves he because he’s just a genuinely nice guy, but I think maybe something happened Thursday night and he may have changed his mind about his liking of me.. and I would be very sad. But I guess if what happened caused him to change his mind, then I’m probably better off without him because then he didn’t want to be with me just for.. sex. uhmph.

The male species is very confusing. lol. I know every girl says that. but it’s true. My best friend was telling her boyfriend that he should ask my guy when he’s going to ask me out, but he said that if he asked that, that he would get scared off. so he would need to ask him “When are you going to make her yours?” as if I’m an object. lol. but he’d do that because it wouldn’t scare him off.. apparently every guy is afraid of commitment so you have to ask in a different way, which doesn’t make any sense, whatsoever… but whatever, I’m not a guy so I guess I just don’t understand their logic.

I think I may have some trust issues. I don’t want people to get too close to me. Like, I do to an extent, but I don’t. I’m not sure how to explain it. I want people to be close to me, but I don’t want them to depend on me. I want them to be there for me, but I don’t want them to be there when I don’t want them there. So consequently, I leave everyone at arm’s length, I think. Which isn’t nice. I need to let people get closer to me. Whenever I’m upset, I feel like I can’t tell them what’s happening because I’m too afraid that they’ll think I’m complaining to them or something, I’m always afraid that I complain too much because I know what it’s like when people complain too much and it really annoys me.

Hmm. Well, I do have homework to work on, maybe if someone reads this they could possibly leave me some response to my question about the boy kissing? I’m not sure what to think. I like him, he likes me. I like making out with him and vice versa.. but I’m not sure how far is too far. Even though I doubt I’d stop.. who knows.

Please leave a response if you stop by. =] Thanks!

Why is prostitution illegal? I mean, if that’s how you want to make your money and hey, if you’re good at it, then go for it. While this is not a personal issue for me, hahaha, the il-legality (new word? I’m not sure if it’s real) of prostitution is not good for people, say in, Las Vegas. Or even around here. I remember one day at lunch in tenth grade Luke told us about this prostitute he saw at the movie theater with her pimp. haha. But really, if that’s what you want to do with your life, I don’t think it should be a problem..
Even though it makes you… quite the whore. =]

I want to drive a firetruck professionally. That would be so fun. And today I noticed that they have the coolest turn signals! It’s not just a flashing light on one side of the vehicle, there’s a cute little arrow pointing in the direction they’re turning. How inventive is that?! hah. except that I see it in my mirror and still don’t realize what direction they’re going.
I still don’t know my left from my right. ha. It’s a serious issue in giving directions.
I’ve noticed that I know pretty much how to get anywhere that I need to go, well, not really, but for most cases, but I can not give directions to save my life. Partly because I don’t know my left from my right, but that’s another story. Like, I know what road I need to turn on, but I don’t know the name. and how do you describe a road to someone? lol. It’s asphalt.. yellow lines?

and my favorite street in the WHOLE world is King Arthur’s Court! How awesome is that?! totally. I love it. and I get to pass it everyday on my way home from school. <3
haha.

So, Libraries suck. Don’t get me wrong, I love books, libraries (Just not the ones in PWC… grr.) and bookstores! woo. but I have been having a very difficult time finding my books about Australia.
It’s Tuesday, my group’s meeting Wednesday, I don’t have any research.. haha. not surprising. so I go from GMU-PW all the way past my house to Chinn Library.. they are freaking closed! And now I get stuck in traffic because all the illegals are over at the County Center protesting the new law or whatever the hell their problem is.. “Illegals Make PWC” was on the back of a van I was behind.. uhmm. No. I don’t care if you’re here, whatever, but I don’t think they need to be receiving free medical care and public education.. haha. now that’s into my English paper..
anyways, I drive past my house, past my school and two lights down is the turn for the Bull Run Library. Well, I’m a bit of an idiot and I wasn’t even paying attention. lol. and I drove right past it and consequently had to drive all the way down to whatever that road is and go a different direction.. gosh. I was so lost. Then I’m there. and they have like, zero books on Australia. All of them are travel books, I’m not traveling there, I just need to know about their culture! So I get those books and drive back home..
Wednesday, I decide, well I can look at the PW campus’s library. Mistake. The library has like five books total. haha. Of course none of them will be on Australia, because that would just be crazy. So I go home, eat, and I drive down to the bank again because it’s not a made-up holiday today and then decide I’ll try Potomac Library. Wow. Potomac Library is worse than Bull Run Library! And Potomac Library was scary!!! I sat between this old, creepy white guy who I swear he was watching me the whole time. creep. and this spanish kid checking his MySpace. lol. and this place had one book on Australia and it was all pictures, big two page pictures.. not helpful. Ok. I still need these books, so I proceed to drive down to Central Library. I get lost and make a turn down a one-lane road, in the wrong direction. haha. Eventually I found it and I got my books. I ask the woman at the desk why Chinn is closed and they’re having Heating and Ventilation problems.. ugh.. stupid library. Why must it be this week? lol. It would’ve saved me sooooo much hassle.
Gosh. That’s been my dilema these past few days. haha.

So I love Ellen. I think she’s my hero. lol.
But she always makes comments about how people are too scared for her to get married. I don’t understand how gay marriage would be illegal either. Personally, it’s not my business what you want to do, who you want to marry or whatever. So, I don’t see a problem with it. For all the people who say, well it’s not what God wants, well, maybe these people don’t believe in your religion! goodness, let them love who they want! It won’t even bother you.. ugh. people are stupid.
That leads to my thoughts on people who try to push their religion down your throat. Ok. I have my religion, I’m happy believing it, if anyone wants to talk about it, ok with me. But I don’t understand why some people feel that their was IS THE RIGHT WAY! umm. no. People believe all sorts of things, whatever they believe is how they truly believe they will get to Heaven. It’s not your responsibility to convert the world to what you believe. Sorry. my opinion.

Today on Ellen, or maybe it was yesterday, I don’t remember, but she saw a billboard that said “Life is short, Have and affair” lol. what the heck? And it had a website for married people to get on and find other married people who wanted to have affairs, umm, maybe this is just me, but if you want to have an affair, I would say your relationship probably isn’t all that strong and maybe you should not be together, but hey.. maybe that’s just me.. haha.

Wow. I feel like an old person, but today on Dr. Phil there was a married teen couple. The girl is 20, the boy 18. They have two kids. I don’t understand. People are stupid. Why would you get married so soon?! You’re going to change with college and growing up in general. Yes, I understand that you knocked up your whore of a girlfriend at the age of 16, so I guess it’s best for you to get married, but what kind of idiots have unprotected sex when they already have a kid!!!! IDIOTS! and then those poor children have to live with these two people who can barely take care of themselves.. it amazes me how selfish people can be.

Anyways.. it’s getting nice out, Finally! yay. October weather might actually be here now! When I was driving around Tuesday, there were leaves flying everywhere! It was amazing. And then it started raining, which was nice because my car is soooo dirty. Plus, I’m not kidding when I say it dropped 17 degrees in about 5 minutes right before it started raining. lol. And now we have the windows open and there’s a nice breeze. ahh. I’m so happy!

Apparently, not only is October Breast Cancer Awareness Month.. according to Bull Run Library, it’s also Emotional Wellness Month, hah.. right. and I believe the 16th is Boss’ Day. woo! how.. exciting. Too bad I have no boss, I know, I’m really sad too. =[ And there was another thing that's this month that was pretty dumb, but I don't remember what it was.. And of course James' birthday is this month. =] yay.

I’m excited to go to this corn maze over off of 66 soon. yay! If you go from 7-9pm you can take flashlights and try to find your way out. that’ll be fun. I think we should try without flashlights, but maybe that’s just my adventurous side coming out. lol. I’m not sure who will come with me tho, Ashley said she’d make Josh come, but I feel bad for ditching Nicole and Cam for Fear Fest. So it may just be me and Dent. lol. that’ll still be fun tho.

I’m also having trouble sleeping at night and I don’t know why. I think my brain just decides that bedtime is the perfect time to think about all my life questions. lol. stupid brain. so tonight I figured I could write some of the stuff I’ve been thinking about and then maybe I can fall to sleep tonight.. haha. maybe it’ll work, we’ll see.

I’m also not quite adapted to this whole college thing. For some reason, I still don’t understand that things are open after 9 or 10pm. lol. and that most things that go on, are after 10.. haha. I’m lame.

I love how music has such an effect on people. Some songs make you feel so happy, some make me cry, some just touch me and I feel both happy and sad. Like the song i’m listening to now, Moments by Emerson Drive. It’s an amzing song, I just don’t know how to explain it.. but I just like it. Like, it always makes me happy when things turn out for the best. This song, the guy’s going to jump off the bridge and the old man kinda convinces him not to and idk it makes me so happy. and the line “Like the day I walked away from the wine, for a woman who became my wife, in a love that when it was right, could always see me through” I don’t know why, but I always get chills. haha. it’s dumb. but I like it. I like songs that make me teary-eyed. Or, or. I was watching Degrassi, the same episode about 5 times, because I thought I broke the tv this weekend. lol. anyways, and Darcy gets raped and she’s so ademate about waiting until marriage and everyone thought that she had has sex with her boyfriend, not been raped, so they all think she’s a hypocrit and whatnot, and then her boyfriend and Manny give her, her Abstinence ring back and said that it didn’t count. I don’t know why, but that made me feel good too. I’m just a sucker for that kind of stuff. Music especially.

Now I’m in a wonderful mood! yay. and the wind’s blowing in my window so it’s kinda cold, but not too cold.. ahh.. Life is beautiful.

Anyways, I’m gonna see if I can fall asleep. Wish me luck! =]

Oh. I’d also like to express my extreme hatred for abbreviated words such as:
fav and whatev.. uh, I’m sure you can write out the whole word.
AND! It’s even worse when it gets into their speaking.. oh my. what has this world come to? haha.
Anyway, I’m done.